marți, 25 ianuarie 2011



When I was in my teens, I always dreamt of the ideal man in my life. Naturally, he would be handsome, intelligent and gentle. But the essential thing about him was that he would understand me. He would listen to all my innermost thoughts not only my hopes and fond desires but my darkest moods and memories, my sorrows and sins. But never did I envision myself to listen to him in return. I would find him dear because he would understand and accept me. Never did I, in my dream think that I would understand and accept him too.
In our adult life, many of us perhaps feel that they have the right, almost an obligation to express to the people closest to them their doubts, fears, ugliest or most pessimistic thoughts. We have this thing that we say it’s better to let out all your problems with someone closest to you. For me, I don’t think we have such right to do so, to indulge in total self-revelation to those we love and who love us. Intimacy between any two loving human beings should have limits because by ignoring such limits, we do so selfishly, out of our own immature desire to shift our burden onto the other person. If your own secrets oppresses your own heart, how can you expect the heart of another to endure it?
An example would be a husband’s infidelity towards his wife. When a husband has extra marital affair, he may be nagged by guilt. Some even wishes their wife to find out so he could confess and ask for forgiveness. If ever and when this happens, he frees himself of pain by transferring it to her. He is healed while she suffers. His secret has shattered her peace of mind. Why do people make such revelations to those who love them?
Friends may be destroyed by too much intimacy. Friendship involves a blessed freedom to be truthful about ourselves, but, like all freedoms, this one must be exercised with restraint. Conscious and unconscious feelings of guilt are aroused when friends know too much about us. Self revelation to an intimate is unwise, if not downright dangerous. We must set limits to intimacy, not only for our own good but for the good of those we love.